


Through a specific prism

by ZHIREM



Series: A moral spectrum [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, No Beta, Punctuation fail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 10:42:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4561497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZHIREM/pseuds/ZHIREM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Talking about something doesn't always make it better. Especially if you don't agree with others about what better means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through a specific prism

**Author's Note:**

> Punctuation fail is a fail. Changes in tense and pov not a fail. Passive voice passive for a reason.

They send him to a psychologist, to talk. He almost sneers at the woman. The Avengers, or Shield, or whoever is footing the bill didn't send him to a psychiatrist, he would have preferred the drugs. She is invested in bringing out his 'true' memories... by talking. And by 'true' she, and everyone else, mean Bucky's memories, as if they're somehow separate from the rest of his memories. He has all of his memories, he wasn't going to play house with Steve and Co. until he knew himself in the present, and knew what he wanted for the future. 

He doesn't tell the woman that he doesn't need her help, how would he explain that he wasn't as fragmented as he appeared during project Insight. Pierce had been a poor handler, ordering more wipes then his prior 13 handlers combined, it had caused him.... confusion. 

He and the psychologist talk about growing up in the depression, the differences between then and now. She is surprised he is handling it so well. She is a moron. He was awake more then he was asleep before he was sold to Hydra, there is no time disconnect. He lived through most of the decades between then and now. She is using Steve's adjustment issues to inform upon his own expected baseline. She is a moron. He was awake through so many years, so many deaths. He killed people during the summer of love and spent springtime in Prague. 

There is no time disconnect.

So many wars, military actions, assassinations, and kidnappings over the years. He had loved his country. He had done his duty. People talk about that now, following orders, and how orders should not be obeyed if they are morally suspect. Who decides what is moral? What scale is being used?

People throw around words like evil, sick, deranged, and a basket full of other appellations. They talk about racism, misogyny, ageism, ablest language, and a lot of other buzz words; enhancing exclusionary language and thought, and further fragmenting an already fragmented society. Time and place, place and time.  

People sit back and say; if I would have been there, I wouldn't have done that, said that, thought that. Liars, ugly little liars, is all they are. People are products of their society, their family, their time and place. The people who stand up and decide to act in different ways are rare. Those who demand others act differently are rarer still. What do these current heroes do to help with these issues? How do they bring people together when they form their own little special teams that don't work well with their governments or each other? Should he form his own team? 

There has never been a time disconnect.

There is still a large population in the U.S. who are racist and sexist. There are still places that advocate the selling of children and the stoning of people who do not follow their religion as others desire them to. If you look at parts of the middle east, can you find out how many people there are fighting ISIS themselves? How many are just waiting for their military to do something, for their police to do something, for foreigners to do something? For the so-called heroes to do something? Should heroes do anything?

How many people in the U.S. vote or attend political rallies, how many people are actually trying to make things better, not many. How many of the people who vote bother to keep themselves informed about different political issues? What do these Avengers do to support their supposed ethics and morals? What is their 'better way' actually achieving? What happened to due process? How is any of their collected evidence admissible in court? Is it a 'better' way? These powered people who seem to take away countries rights to govern themselves. 

There is no time disconnect.

Of course taking action presupposes that an individual believes that what is happening is wrong to begin with. The vocabulary of wrong, bad, good, right, evil, is problematic and subjective. People have a bad habit of forgetting time and place, and instead think in absolutes. Not even religions can be thought of in absolutes; differences in translations, in interpretations of sections of text, of even which books and texts are included in scripture can change a persons belief structure from that of a fellow practitioner. It doesn't help that every religion has left vague loop-holes written in either. If it can be interpreted three different ways you will find 12 people saying it means 12 different things. What makes these heroes way the 'right' way? Is their 'right' way my 'right' way, or your 'right' way?

Why is time the only disconnect they talk about? Why would that and memories be the only disconnects I could have?

People often like to say murder is evil. I don't agree. Does that make me evil? I don't know. It is all subjective. If I believed murder is evil how could I have murdered all the people I did? My psychologist and the rest try to convince me that it wasn't me who killed all of those people, it was my handlers who gave the orders that killed them. It seems odd that they want me to think of myself as a mindless weapon, to abdicate my agency in those matters. Especially when western society has already decided that the 'just following orders' defense is no defense at all. 

I don't think I will talk much about my past missions with my psychologist. I don't think I want them to know I remember it all, if they did then I might have to explain why I tortured and raped so many people. Ultimately, I loved my county and the people I hurt and killed were traitors and enemies. They deserved it. 

What right do they have to say I'm wrong? 

Time often seems to be the most connected thing there is for me.


End file.
